The Luck of the Draw

Catching a break is difficult no matter a person's age or experience.

Had I been given the chance to be Mary, instead of the lamb---to be the lovely maiden in an evening gown with fresh violets in my hair, instead of the majorette---to have been the bride in the Tom Thumb wedding, or to have recited a poem in the talent show, instead of singing in an Uncle Sam costume, I may have grown up to be a star on Broadway or at the least an ingenue in a community theater presentation.

But, when I was a kid, I was the "donkey," no matter how hard I tried.

When my first grade teacher nominated me to be the bride, I was so excited I thought I might pass out from thinking how lovely I would be playing the part, and me in first grade. The next day I found out it was not to be, because a classmate's mother visited the school principal, exclaiming how her daughter already had a miniature bride's gown and how silly it would be to require my mother to go to the expense of making me a dress. I was "dumped" without the chance to let anyone know what a wonderful seamstress my mother was. I cried for two days, especially when I learned all the other parts had been taken. My mom helped me save face when she remembered I had a flower girl dress from my cousin's wedding. Although two sizes too small, she altered it by letting out the side seams and adding a ruffle to the bottom, and I became the wedding singer. I had to sing "I Love You Truly." It was a dumb song and I had to watch someone else get the glory that was supposed to be mine. Anyway, it was a horrible experience to sing a song meant for an adult wedding, not a children's play.

Maybe that's why some elementary school children feel "squashed before they can "bloom," or why young musicians never attempt to become old musicians. For sure, when adults "pull rank" on a child, it is abusive and bullying.

Achievement comes with encouragement. It starts with three things. The superior/agressive more experienced person (regardless of age, but generally an adult to a younger person) must get out of his or her own way and get over the feeling of being "best" no matter what. Then, wishing other people well goes a long way toward making "the learner" feel good about himself or herself. And, in the process, it builds up the self-esteem of both parties. Thirdly, stopping to help someone who is attempting to get better at their task might make the difference in completing the task or excelling in their endeavor.

All of this came to mind recently when a student almost "hit his mark" playing a style of music outside of his usual comfort zone. He learned a lot playing with people who had many years of experience. Yet, after the nervousness of performance time excellerated his nerves, not one experienced person stepped forward to give a five minute review of techniques. Playing a few notes together as a warm-up may have helped. As I marveled at the amount of nerve it required for him to "jump into" a serious performance, it struck me that a few minutes of review could have been so-o-o valuable and would have made him more comfortable and confident. 

This showed me how hard it is for students to catch a break when they don't have connections or when the experienced people really don't care whether or not a less experienced person succeeds. As educators, who will succeed us as musicians, storytellers, authors, and teachers if we aren't willing to take a small step to "bring up" those who will follow.

This point came to mind when one of my hardworking students pointed out how hard it was to get a  job during college--not one taking orders at McDonalds, but one within her area of study. Then, she said, "Do you realize if my dad was a doctor or an attorney, he could make a phone call and get a good job. Of course, I would have to prove myself. But, having someone pave the way would be a blessing."

Another student said, "Imagine that your mom or dad was a senator. You'd have a job at decent pay in Washington, D.C. or at an embassy."

That said it all and took me back to the experiences of my childhood and that of my children and students. 

It's hard to get a break. The breaks need to start in first grade.

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[Daniel Tiluk]

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